When the firstborn was a newborn a lovely lady from the Anglican Church visited me in hospital and asked what I wished for my child. That he would be happy was my response.
I've thought about this conversation in the intervening years, more times than I would have anticipated.
Is he happy? Was I happy? We are both complex souls who don't always fit into what I call the 9-5 world. I remember as a young teenager walking around the town where we lived and my mother remarked that if only I could be happy marrying a local boy and living happily ever after I would have a nice life.
"But I know you won't do that," she said.
Mothers really do know their children better than anyone.
My astrology studies have revealed that I am an Outer Planet Person (Thank you Mystic Medusa) so feeling like an alien is quite natural.
My life has been filled with grand adventures and a couple of serious bouts of depression. I worry that my children have had to live through the last one with me and it hasn't made their teenage years as sparkly as they may have been.
Their dad and I split, which was never part of the plan, but these things happen and I think we have handled it fairly well.
Then there are the comments about why am I not dating someone, because having a man is really the pinnacle in a life's achievement and I should put myself first (ie have a boyfriend because that really rounds out a life).
The most recent person who suggested that I was not putting myself first - because I was intent on building a business and raising two teenagers, instead of finding a boyfriend - copped a very nice earful that indeed I was putting myself and my future first.
The firstborn and I attended his Year 12 graduation this evening. There were hundreds of young adults marking the end of their school years. The Dux of the school didn't top as many subjects as one of her fellow students but she got an ATAR of 99.8. I hope she is happy in her life. Being a brainiac doesn't always indicate that will be so.
I asked the woman sitting next to me what her son was doing in 2016. Having a gap year with his girlfriend, she said. When I told her the firstborn is joining the Army she was shocked. I was too at first but I am really proud that he has made this decision and done everything needed to be accepted. I am truly humbled that my son wants to make a career in the Army and I am impressed with the way they have invited him in. I met a man at the Duntroon gym when the firstborn was doing his fitness test. He had been in the Army for 38 years and said to me: "Don't worry, they will look after him. They are still looking after me."
So much has happened lately to shake my world but my friends - as ever - have shown their true colours. It's a bit overwhelming sometimes but I'm getting there. The future is bright.
Love and light.