Sunday, March 8, 2015

Magic stones

I went to my old house today, the one I own with AT and our names are on the Title Deed. Unencumbered. We own it.

In the back shed were a few boxes of stuff that had been stuffed full and left to fester. It was time to sort and purge.

It's been a week of purging. I had a physical purge on Wednesday when my body made me vomit out six months worth of angst. My beautiful 14 y o daughter was not surprised. She is the one who has noticed that this is what happens. Every six months or so I get really strung out and stressed and then there is a purge and all is well with the world again.

Weird way to live, but other people get cancer.

As I've got older I've realised I am incredibly sensitive to a full moon, some more than others. This one with its various planetary aspects had me close to the edge.

Today though was time to sort through boxes of letters and books, ornaments, fabrics, photographs (how many!!) and various other stuff. Two-thirds of it went into the purge pile. The rest I've brought home to sort through more carefully.

There are letters to me from my mother. My mother died long before the Internet existed. There is nothing but memories and things written down. There are no recordings of her playing the piano or even talking. There are no videos as they did not exist. There are two bags of music. I must read all of this before I can decide what goes.

I watched AT ditch a complete box full of his stuff and thought I need to be less sentimental. I am getting better at it. I figure I want to have edited my life before my death so my children don't have to spend too long clearing away stuff.

There is a bag full of my mother's family history including photographs and documents. Miss B's second name is Hannah and I have been telling her for years it is an old family name. Now she can see the connection.

The magic stones are in a George Jensen box. I love this Danish design house. I have no idea where the magic stones are from. Miss B asked me what they mean. "They mean magic," I said.

How does this girl explain me to her friends? I found a school report from Yr 10 where I had come in the top 3 in most subjects. I hated school but at least I did a bit of work. What was it for? To be a journalist in an industry that has been gutted? To be a single parent to two teenagers? Or to be a woman on the verge of finding her place in the world and achieving, over achieving what she is meant to achieve? (Although can I say having two interesting, intelligent and inquisitive children is a pretty good achievement).

I've seen two of my closest girlfriends in the past two days. These are women I have spent much time with in recent years. I love them for the way they support me and how they let me support them.

I didn't run off to online dating when AT and I split. I didn't need an instant boyfriend. I still don't. I meet lots of gorgeous people all the time. I love them all. But I don't want a companion for the sake of it.

Happy International Women's Day everyone. To those of us in Australia who are allowed to exercise free choice in who we love and spend time with and who we work for, well done. For those who are oppressed, disenfranchised, threatened, frightened or worse, let us all band together to make the world a better place. Women and Men.

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